Lockdown

I just received a recorded call from my son's high school informing me the school is in full lockdown because of a credible threat.

Suddenly, everything else in my life has stopped.

My son is locked into a school building, mentally rehearsing what to do if he hears gunshots. Police cars are, I have no doubt, surrounding the school, officers approaching the building tensed and ready to act. Teachers are probably anxiously counting heads and trying to look calm, their hearts thumping.

I’m furious, as I sit in my chair shaking, trying to make sense of it. Furious with a world in which this is a reality. In which my son knows about lockdowns because he’s experienced them before. In which I can’t just shrug it off as another mostly meaningless drill because there is absolutely the realistic chance that something very bad could happen at my son’s school today, could be happening right now.

My son, my son. Please be OK.

People who don’t know better say today’s kids are weak. They point at the generation currently in their teens and young 20s as too easily wounded, too fixated on their own mental health and too afraid of adulthood.

I’m not an expert in mental health or juvenile anything. But what I see is a generation of kids who have grown up practicing hiding under desks and in closets and knowing somebody could, at any moment, come to their classroom door and try to kill them. Kids who have seen video of other kids their age running from school buildings with their hands on their heads and trauma etched on their faces. Who have seen the numbers of dead and wounded, the pictures of blood on classroom floors.

How dare we say we had it tougher back in our day, back when Columbine, Sandy Hook, Parkland, Uvalde, and Oxford were just places and names and not horrifying reminders of the vulnerability of our children in places they should feel safest.

Today’s kids are phenomenal. They struggle, yes – mental health counselors and teachers and parents will attest to that. But they have endured increasing school violence and the COVID-19 pandemic and the isolating impact of social media and too-young exposure to the most serious aspects of adult life via the internet and come out the other side with resilience and compassion and a drive to make their world better.

They’ll be OK as adults. In fact, they’ll be awesome.

As long as they live that long.

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In the face of looming danger that feels inevitable, we are not powerless. If we want reduce school shootings, we can use the power of our voices and our votes to advocate for laws and practices that protect our kids.

Even more than that, we can pay attention to the people around us and around our kids. We can notice when something is wrong and act on it. Most mass school shooters plan their attacks and share threatening or concerning messages or images ahead of time. If someone's words or actions raise a red flag, we can say something, even if it's uncomfortable.

None of us can help everyone who is a victim of bullying or a survivor of trauma or has some other big hurt that might become so heavy it triggers violent behavior. But we can be there for the people in our lives, setting aside our own bad days and busyness long enough to see that they need someone to listen and care. We can ask if they're OK and if we can do anything for them. And if they worry us, we can tell someone.

Maybe that's only a small drop in a big ocean. But it's a drop. And we can't do nothing. Not when schools keep calling parents to say their kids are hiding in closets.

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My son just got home. He let me give him a long and tearful hug, and he told me about sitting on the floor in a dark locked room for an hour like it was no big deal, and then he made a sandwich and went up to his room. Police are still investigating, but whoever sent the threat did not follow through. For now, my boy is OK, and I can breathe again.

If you have a teen in your life, maybe send them an “I love you” text today. Or bake them cookies or invite them to play a card game with you. They’ll think you’re weird. But they’ll also know you love them and are there for them when they need to talk.

If you have a gun in your house, lock it up.

And if you notice something that makes you worry about the safety of a young person or the people around them, say something. Now. Tomorrow might be too late.

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To confidentially report anything that threatens school or student safety, including signs of suicidal ideation, text your concerns to 652729 (OK2SAY) or call 8-555-OK2SAY (855-565-2729) or email OK2SAY@mi.gov. 

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Warning signs that can signal a young person may be in crisis or need help:

1. Suddenly withdrawing from friends, family, and activities, including online or via social media

2. Bullying, especially if targeted towards differences in race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation 

3. Excessive irritability, lack of patience, or becoming angry quickly

4. Experiencing chronic loneliness or social isolation 

5. Expressing persistent thoughts of harming themselves or someone else

6. Making direct threats toward a place, another person, or themselves

7. Bragging about access to guns or weapons

8. Recruiting accomplices or audiences for an attack 

9. Directly expressing a threat as a plan 

10. Cruelty to animals

Source: Sandy Hook Promise, an organization that empowers communities to see and respond to the signs of potential school gun violence, in honor of the 20 students and six adults shot and killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut on December 14, 2012.